August 28, 2020
Arguments, discomfort in coexistence, routine, lack of sex, or infidelities are the most common reasons why a couple decides to go to therapy to save their relationship or, at least, try. Some come when they begin to see signs that something is not going as expected, but in most cases, an average of between five and six years is expected, when the relationship is already more than worn out. The key is to go when both members feel it and also have the same objectives; it is useless if one wants to recover the relationship and the other to break it.
But the reality is quite different, as reflected in different studies focused on couples who come for a consultation. “They usually wait between five and six years to go to therapy, despite having observed signs that the relationship is not working as well as they would like,” explains Bustamante. Couples who will never go to therapy are not considered in these studies. Be that as it may, says the expert, “the reality is that, unfortunately, the profile of couples who come for consultation is usually that of a couple who, despite knowing that they still love each other, have been accumulating frustration, anger, disappointments, detachment, and coldness. “
The keys to the process
Couples therapy is valid for recovering the relationship and having a breakup that is as less conflictive and painful as possible. So the goal of everything is “for the couple to communicate and solve what they want to solve to feel better with themselves and with the other,” Anfruns Nomen maintains, either to recover the relationship if they both wish or to break it in the best of ways.
Then, the expert adds, you have to work on the dialogue in front of the monologue. It is necessary to empathize with the other, listen to him, know what is happening to him, and try to understand him. That is why adds Bustamante, the main thing in therapy is to teach: knowing how to listen, putting yourself in the other’s shoes, learning to communicate what we feel or bother us without hurting the other person, taking responsibility for ourselves, fleeing from emotional dependence, learn to discuss, attend and take care of the couple’s relationship, and to lay a foundation to get excited again.